Tuesday, April 22, 2008
In this modern age of double incomes and financial independence the greatest concern that faces all of us is the need to move to a stage of Interdependence as stated by Steven Covey.
Marital conflicts arise from the fact that both the individuals are equally capable of living on their own and everywhere we go, there is this increased focus on individual success, brilliance etc being recognized. This has created a 'I', 'Me', 'Myself' culture that has led to self-centered behaviour.
Also, we now live in a culture of instant gratification, we have everthing around us available to us when we need it, we can make calls half way around the world in an instant, instant noodles, fast food etc, so much so that we are even promised instant 'Nirvana"!.
We carry this with us even in our relationships and we want our relationships to be what 'we' want it to be instantly and when that does not happen, we want instant seperation!.
Most of the discord that arises in any relationship and particularly couples is that "each individual is trying to change the other"! while change we need to understand happens with the self first. The only person that you can change on this Earth is "you", which a lot of us tend to miss.
So, the key point that we need to address is that we need to give 'time' in our relationships, what with 2 different individuals being brought up in completely different backgrounds, beliefs, values and even life styles in their respective houses come together to make a new beginning.
Secondly, we need to develop the attitude of 'acceptance', we need to accept the other person for her/his beliefs, values, life styles et all. Unfortunately we 'expect' a lot from the other individual and when that expectation is not met we instantly discard the person/relationship.
Lastly, we need to develop an 'awareness of ourselves', we need to understand our background, our trigger points, our pain points and the like so that we are able to understand the other person's point of view. Infact this point needs to be at the beginning rather than in the end.
Feel free to share your thoughts.....