Tuesday, May 6, 2008
A lot many times we look at the cure from outside without realizing that the cure more often than not lies inside.
I have had a lot many friends who have approached me to counsel children simply because the children are not behaving according to their expectations and they think that the problem lies with the child rather than themselves. This is exactly the same as trying to satisfy the Customer without satisfying the employee.
The first request that I make is that they go through counselling themselves to unearth the reason why their children are behaving the way that they do. The minute a suggestion like that is made the defence mechanism within the each one of us springs to defend ourselves to thinking that the problem is with the child and not the parent. Exactly like what companies say, "We are paying them well and providing them with all the comforts and benefits that they want, so that's not the problem". It is like saying that I am giving my child all that he or she wants in terms of material comforts, so she/he has no reason to be dissapointed!
Many a time we hear terms like 'bonding', 'quality time' etc that is used to address the issue of developing relationships with children and often the 'quality time' that we give them is spent "advising" them on what to do and what not to do! where as all the child needs is a patient hearing what Steven Covey calls "Seek first to understand and then to be understood", of what's happening in its own world. the child is quite capable of finding the answers by itself!
The reason the emphasis is on children and the family is because all learning starts at home and what is prevelant at home is what we carry outside including our offices, social settings and the like. It is no wonder that the saying "people who live in glass houses should not throw stones at others" is so very apt in this situation. Likewise satisfy the customer with-in before trying to satisfy the customer with-out. Look at yourself before trying to look at the child, wife, friend, boss and peers!