Tuesday, April 22, 2008


In this modern age of double incomes and financial independence the greatest concern that faces all of us is the need to move to a stage of Interdependence as stated by Steven Covey.

Marital conflicts arise from the fact that both the individuals are equally capable of living on their own and everywhere we go, there is this increased focus on individual success, brilliance etc being recognized. This has created a 'I', 'Me', 'Myself' culture that has led to self-centered behaviour.

Also, we now live in a culture of instant gratification, we have everthing around us available to us when we need it, we can make calls half way around the world in an instant, instant noodles, fast food etc, so much so that we are even promised instant 'Nirvana"!.

We carry this with us even in our relationships and we want our relationships to be what 'we' want it to be instantly and when that does not happen, we want instant seperation!.

Most of the discord that arises in any relationship and particularly couples is that "each individual is trying to change the other"! while change we need to understand happens with the self first. The only person that you can change on this Earth is "you", which a lot of us tend to miss.

So, the key point that we need to address is that we need to give 'time' in our relationships, what with 2 different individuals being brought up in completely different backgrounds, beliefs, values and even life styles in their respective houses come together to make a new beginning.

Secondly, we need to develop the attitude of 'acceptance', we need to accept the other person for her/his beliefs, values, life styles et all. Unfortunately we 'expect' a lot from the other individual and when that expectation is not met we instantly discard the person/relationship.

Lastly, we need to develop an 'awareness of ourselves', we need to understand our background, our trigger points, our pain points and the like so that we are able to understand the other person's point of view. Infact this point needs to be at the beginning rather than in the end.

Feel free to share your thoughts.....

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." - Viktor Franklyn Attitude is everything.!!

It is more vital than events. It's more important than what's happened. Because attitude determines whether we are happy or unhappy, fulfilled or empty, the positive perspective assures us that we can never fail. A hopeful attitude guarantees internal success. Attitude- the altitude adjuster determines whether we fly high or low, crash or soar, glide or slide.

Anybody can have a positive attitude when things are going well. What really matters is its how you act when things are going badly that determines the strength of your character. An appropriate attitude means feeling hopeful in challenging times. Stop yourself. Count your blessings. Look for the good.
Here are some magnificent ways to improve your attitude:

Choose to be Enthusiastic

Corporate presidents voted it the most valuable personality trait. It's the biggest single factor in successful selling. Think enthusiastically. Talk enthusiastically. Become enthusiastic by acting enthusiastic. Your thoughts and actions establish your level of enthusiasm.

Be Alive to Everything You Do
Walk fast. Put a bounce in your step. A vigorous, hearty handshake indicates you are glad to be alive and happy to be with the other person. A good smile radiates enthusiasm. Put spirit into your speech by varying the tempo, raising and lowering the pitch, changing the tone and modulation. Force yourself to act with enthusiasm, and soon you will feel enthusiastic.

Broadcast Good News
No one ever made a friend or accomplished anything worthwhile by transmitting bad news. Good news, on the other hand, promotes good will and spreads enthusiasm. The message, "Hey! I've got good news" gets the attention of everyone. Take sunshine to school or work. Always aim to make the person you talk to feel better than they otherwise would.

Positive Self-Talk

What did you say to yourself today? Did you moan and groan about everyone at work? Did you complain about your parents to your best friend? What we think is 100% reflected in how we feel. If all we think about is negative thoughts, our actions will be negative. Remember "I'm a 10! I'm Healthy! Wealthy! Happy! I do what I ought to do, when I ought to do it, whether I want to or not! No Debate! I love me!"

Love Others
How can we become more loving? By bringing encouragement, optimism, and hope to all that we meet. By helping others feel comfortable in our presence; by spreading joy and goodwill; by being concerned about the wishes and desires of others; by understanding, caring, accepting, and forgiving; by becoming more concerned about helping others achieve their individual desires.


Today, choose your Attitude and choose your own way!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Life as a mirror …

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."-- C.G. Jung
How many times have you found people around you happy when you are not? The world is like a mirror, reflecting who you are. The best example of this are children, we are full of energy and laughter when we are around children, why? Because they are full of energy and laughter!
Unfortunately we get so caught up with what we do, we hardly laugh, research says that at age 4 children laugh at least 4000 times a day, when we reach 14 that has come down to 40 and by the time we are 40 that drops to 4! What happens is that we loose that child like innocence and thereby loose touch with our inner selves.
Have you ever noticed, at traffic signals observe how many people have a smile on their face….none! In fact if someone is smiling, we wonder, “Is something wrong with him/her”, a serious look in today’s world gives a perception of being highly intellectual!
Next time try smiling at people you will be surprised at the response you get, greet people, say a warm ‘hello’ or ‘hi’, because when you give you get, and to get you have to give first.We get clues about our unconscious programming if we watch our reactions, responses, feelings and thoughts about other people and events. Ask yourself: How do I judge or stereotype people? What pushes my buttons? What makes me angry or fearful or sad?
The outer incidents that trigger these reactions in me simply MIRROR my own nature. If I didn't have beliefs around the issues that upset me, where would my reactions come from? If I didn't have some internal reference, I wouldn't react at all. When outer events spark a reaction, we need to look inside to explore what’s going on.
"We discover in ourselves what others hide from us and we recognize in others what we hide from ourselves."
Discover yourself this weekend….at least make a beginning!!
Enjoy your weekend folks!

Friday, April 4, 2008

"Commit to Compliment"

Mr. Dale Carnegie in his world famous book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ states that to build Rapport with people, we need to ‘give honest, sincere appreciation’. Appreciating someone is nothing but complimenting the person. Think about it for a moment, when was the last time that some one genuinely complimented you? How did you feel?
Now, ask yourself, When was the last time that I complimented anyone?......
Compliments are powerful things, even from strangers who barely know you. We all feel the need to be complimented because it gives us a sense of ‘Self–Worth’, it makes us feel good inside, in today’s world we are constantly being bombarded by criticism around us in the media, television, newspapers, practically everywhere so much so that when we receive a compliment from others, we doubt the person’s intentions!
Unfortunately we all back away from giving compliments when we observe others have done something good, be it friends, colleagues, spouses or anyone. We in fact tell ourselves, “I’ll praise him when the time comes”, and that never happens!
Compliments need not be something very big, perhaps we noticed how well someone has dressed, or how much progress a colleague has made in a project, or their cheerful disposition, a well cooked lunch/dinner from the spouse, they can be appreciated with a small phrase of ‘well done’, ‘thank-you’, ‘nice job’ etc.
All this involves awareness, an awareness of what is happening around us and recognizing the opportune moment and complimenting. Allow me to demonstrate. I’m going to give you some compliments right now, to kick off your weekend. You might be surprised how good it makes you feel.
First, if you are reading this, I already know something about you: You have an open mind, and that’s a rare and wonderful quality. Most people only enjoy seeing their preconceived ideas fed back to them. That doesn’t happen here. Open-mindedness is one of the most important qualities a person can have. You have it! I also expect you’re well-liked by the people who know you best because you’re curious to find out, and fun-loving.
Secondly, it involves commitment, promise yourself to give at least two compliments to your loved ones this weekend and feel the difference……it’s liberating!

Have a great weekend folks!